There's an angel and a devil sitting on my shoulders.
I've had so many conversations with myself trying to figure out why I wanted to be so "good" yet I kept making "bad" choices when it came to drinking.
I seemed liked I lived in an all or nothing state of purgatory.
It seemed as though if I couldn't do things right then I was always wrong. I kept judging myself. The more my expectations grew of myself, the harder I seemed to be on myself when I made a mistake.
Underlying all of this was this striving to be perfect.
Being perfect is not possible. It stems from insecurity.
It just kept creating more shame. More insecurity.
Shame is never the motivator for change.
I had it all wrong.
Do you relate?
You take a break from drinking.
You've been following your drink plan. Then you decide to have a drink and give in to an urge, and... here it comes... the negative self talk.
"I'm a mess", "I have no self control", "I did it again", "I'll never get this 'stop over drinking' level under control".
Back to square one we go!
That type of thinking never wins the race. Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.
How you feel about yourself comes from your thoughts. Your want of perfectionism is all in your thoughts.
So, when you pour yourself the drink (action), the action is stemmed from your feelingswhich stem from your thoughts.
You're judging your actions, instead of REALLY paying attention to the thoughtsthat were behind you pouring the drink.
The self coaching Model explains how ALL of our results come from our thinking.
Trying to be perfect ends up adding fuel to the fire. It seems like a harmless goal in order to feel better.
When your goal is to be perfect (nobody is) your "fail" will seem so much bigger than it needs to be. You won't be open to looking at your thoughts and what motivated you to drink off your drink plan in the first place.
I DON'T want this to be your cycle.
Be aware of your thoughts. Not judgmental.