Updated: May 29, 2021
I've taken many breaks from drinking over the years.
All I did was focus on saying no. I was good at it. Or so I thought.
To be honest, the whole time I kept thinking I'll say yes to a drink as soon as this is over.
I was being "good" until I was "bad" when I drank.
No wonder I always felt out of control. I was putting too much energy into the action of saying "no" and in the end that got the best of me.
It exhausted me and I ran out of willpower.
The booze was controlling me. (So to speak-- I've said before, alcohol has no human qualities. It doesn't make us do anything).
The mistake I was making was that I didn't realize that it was ALWAYS my thoughts that made me say "no" or say "yes".
I also had to be honest with myself. I needed to ask what was I truly afraid of? What uncomfortable feeling was so scary?
It was: people won't think I'm fun or interesting.
There was a tug of war in my mind. I knew that people liked me, I was just under the influence of a boozy haze that sent my brain a message that alcohol made things, and me, more fun and interesting.
I didn't want to feel bored or restless or awkward.
I had to let that vibration run through my body.
Guess what? I didn't die!
Now all of that energy that was on the hunt for pleasure is used to have a bigger life. A life that is complete. I no longer feel small.
It's so fun!
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