Updated: Jul 30, 2020
What Have You Been Telling Yourself?
I remember a long time ago when my drinking was probably at its hight, I would look for all sorts of reasons to drink on ANY occasion and especially drink in higher quantities at social engagements. I used to find a feeling of excitement going to a social gathering because I knew I could drink (a lot) and no one would notice. Or so I thought... I was constantly finding a reason to drink and drink a lot because everyone else was drinking.
I found a reason to drink because I wanted to celebrate, take the edge off, not think anymore and shut out the noise that my kids were making.
I found a reason to drink so I could "get through" the ground hog day that I had to do and I couldn't get away from (BTW, I don't think in these terms anymore).
I found a reason to drink because it was a birthday or it was Christmas Eve, Easter brunch and mimosas, Thanksgiving turkey and champagne pair so well, or my friend needed someone to talk to about her marriage and the story seemed to be easier to tell with a glass of wine.
I found a reason to drink because it was date night and I wanted to have great sex.
I found a reason to drink because my parents always had a drink at the end of the day.
After several decades of these reasons, the reasons started to backfire.
I couldn't remember the Christmas Eve games and story times. I couldn't remember a holiday morning that I wasn't either hungover and beating myself up, or not being in a boozy, foggy, dehydrated headache state of being. I couldn't remember the mind blowing sex that I had :). I couldn't remember if my friend made up with her husband or what she confided in me (I would have to lead on that I remembered her private intimate marital secrets). Many times I'd forget to put the money in the tooth fairy pillow and find myself making up a story the next morning while my child cried because the tooth fairy didn't show up. All of these reasons deepened my shame and drove into the core of me that I would never change and that there was something wrong with me.
The most important thing here is the how I stopped telling myself a reason to drink. It wasn't from using willpower or saying I was broken. I had been doing that for years and it NEVER worked.
The how I stopped over drinking is when I put the money I spent on drinking, entertaining and going out and invested into a life coach that had tools to teach that I had never come across before. I learned these tools and implemented them on a daily basis. There was no way I could have done this without someone listening to me and HEARING what I was telling myself.
Guess what? She didn't believe my stories and reasons why I should drink. That God she didn't.
If she believed my story I would still be drinking. She believed that I could change my mind. She believed that I had a power within me to make a change. These tools are based on science, research, and positive psychology.
Eventually, I started to believe her, too. I started to believe what she taught me. I started to believe in myself. I started to see the change in me. I started to find the reasons why I don't want to drink. All of the reasons why I used to want to drink are now gone. I rewired my brain. It took me one day at a time. I have deeper and more compelling reasons not to over drink.
My life used to be in black and white, now it is in Technicolor.
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