Updated: Jul 30, 2020
I love words.
The littlest tweak to a choice of words really changes the meaning and the feeling they create.
I went for a walk with a very close friend yesterday morning. Her life has been turned upside down. She's getting a divorce, selling her house, needing to find a career after being a stay at home mom for the last 17 years. As she was telling me about these significant changes I was listening intently to her words.
*Side note - once you become a life coach it doesn't mean your friends (or family for that matter) want to be "coached". I have to ask permission. Most of the time I show up as a friend and then if they ask me for my advice I inquire "as a friend or as a life coach"? It all depends on if they want to commiserate or if they need help to move past the discomfort. Sometimes we just need to be sad, and that's ok!!
Well she did end up asking for my opinion and help. She asked me for help as a coach.
I asked her, "What results do you want in your life?"
I'm sure at this point her first thoughts were about her beliefs about her "short comings" and she responded, "I have a lot of work to do on myself".
She was feeling overwhelmed and stuck.
I asked, "What if you just changed the thought to 'I am a work in progress'. Does that help give you the feeling that you're looking for?" After a few more questions she was able to describe the feeling she is looking for. She said she just wants to feel freedom.
When she said/had the thought, "I have a lot of work to do on myself" she felt stuck. She's looking for space in her mind to heal and move forward.
The littlest change from, "I have a lot of work to do on myself" to "I am a work in progress" changed the vibrations in her body. The former made her feel closed off and overwhelmed. As in: There's so much to do... I'll never change. The latter generated the feeling of freedom.
Most times our brains aren't ready to make a 180° turn.
We need to give our brain time to adjust to the new belief system we are creating for ourselves.
Creating "bridge thoughts" to get to the new belief system is how you do just that.
"I am a person who is learning...", "I am working on....".
I often tell my clients that you need to try on new thoughts just like trying on new clothes. You know how it is... some things look good on a hanger and end up not looking so good on you. And other times something looks bad on a hanger, but then surprisingly they look good on you. You never know... it's always good to take the time to try everything on.
It was great to see the change in her body physically. The muscles on her face relaxed. Her shoulder came away from her ears. As soon as she chose a different thought, she felt 'space' to make the gradual changes in her life.
Instead of saying, "I will never drink again" you can say, "I'm a person who is working on changing my relationship with alcohol". Or if you're saying, "This is so hard to make changes", you can say, "I'm learning how to be aware of the thoughts in my mind that create the desire and urge to drink". In doing so, you can create space in your mind, and create a space for change and not overwhelm or exhaustion.
So tell me, what new thoughts are you going to try on today?
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