What if each time you experienced an emotion, you acknowledged it, accepted it, and became curious about this message for you? Imagine how this could change your life. Imagine how heard, loved, and honored you would feel if you really listened to yourself.
-Veronica Tugaleva, "Positive Psychology"
One of the things I despise the most is to not be heard.
Ya know, this girl has a lot to say and sometimes it takes some time for me to get to the point.
I recall growing up and not having the opportunity to speak freely. I'd have to listen to what my parents said and accept it. There certainly was no gray area in my parents rules. My parents were quite strict which I'm thankful for now, however the emotion of frustration lingers when I'm not given the chance to state my case.
Back then and even now I want to be heard. I want someone to listen to me. I want to find compassion from someone else so I can feel better. There's nothing unusual about that, right? I wanted my family to behave better so I wouldn't have to drink or over drink! Ghaah, that's sounds pretty bad as I type it!
In the past, I'd find myself reaching for a drink to cover up the frustration of not being heard. My husband loves to walk away and I love to hash it out = FRUSTRATION!! (that I create toward myself - that's a whole other lesson 😅).
So what would I do??? You guessed it, I'd reach for the thing that would let my mind drift away and soften the rough edges of my negative emotions A DRINK! It was a go to for me to soothe the discomfort. I'd feel alone and isolated and nursing the lingering feeling of frustration. I didn't know how to or want to feel the yuckiness of not being heard.
It's fruitless to wait for someone to make you feel better about you. Not to mention that's a BIG ask to ask of anyone. Think about it, you wouldn't want that responsibility for yourself to make everyone feel good about themselves, right?? It's their job to do that, not yours and vice versa.
So if I couldn't rely on someone else, what was I supposed to do?
I had to put on my big girl panties and look to the only person who is always there for me, even though she was drowning in self pity and wine... ME!!!
This is what was needed and required of me:
I had to learn the skill of listening to myself and not rely on someone else listening to me.
I had to learn that someone else is not going to make me feel better.
I had to learn how to experience all of life's emotions.
I had to learn how to be curious about the negative feelings and not drown them out with a bottle of wine.
It wasn't until life coaching entered my life that I learned how to do this.
It wasn't until I learned to how to stop for a moment and reconnect my mind to my body.
I had to learn how to take complete responsibility for all of my emotions and not look toward someone else to help me or look for something outside of myself to soothe me.
It wasn't until I learned that an emotion/feeling is just a vibration in my body and that if I just let the feeling run its course I WOULDN'T DIE if I just felt it.
Did you know an emotions life span is only 90 seconds? So why do some feeling linger for hours and sometimes days? It's because we keep generating a new thought to keep it alive.
Stop waiting for someone to come to the rescue to listen and give you motivation to change.
Begin teaching yourself how to take emotional responsibility.
You are the BEST listener of YOU!
Be well,
Stephanie
✅ P.S. Need a simple to follow step-by-step process to drink less? Check out my signature programs HERE.