Updated: Jul 30, 2020
On Sunday we spread my dad's ashes. Needless to say, it was very emotional.
Things leading up to that day did not go according to plan. The day was still nice but since the plan did not go according to my intentions... I lost my cool and blurted out accusations to family members.
I said them like I was reporting the weather. As if I was just stating the facts.
I wanted to blame another person and certain circumstances.
I'm not proud of my behavior.
The following days I kept speaking negative thoughts to myself which only escalated the problem.
I let some unchecked thoughts and emotions get the better of me.
I spent time investigating my negative thoughts and I realized that those little buggers are still there and the negative thoughts will creep up on us. I say them so casually.
I'm still a work in progress.
I found myself finding ALL of the things I did wrong. Instead of focusing on all the things that went right.
I sat in judgement and that only made me more shameful and embarrassed. (I know I teach ya'll to not do that, but it happened to me- and I came out of it faster than I would have in the past).
Our brains are wired to look for negativity. It is important for our survival. We want to look for danger and create and escape plan.
We slip into saying things that seem harmless like:
That won't work.
I'm too busy.
She hurt my feelings.
Those thoughts create negative emotions. We make a judgment or a criticism, and we think we are just making an observation.
We think it's true.
When we are thinking negative it never feels good. Our brains quickest solution is make us feel better (remember: Motivational Triad-seek pleasure, avoid pain, with the least amount of effort).
Sometimes that shows up in drinking and over drinking.
We use drinking to buffer the negativity. When in the end it only adds fuel to the fire.
Now you have an emotionally charged situation and you add a mind altering drug- not a good idea.
The GOOD NEWS is that you can still have your stance- still see something as negative, still state your thoughts and/but focus on the opposite without changing our stance.
Instead on focusing on how much we don't like something we can focus and talk about how much we like the opposite.
We can focus on what we don't want, or we can focus on what we do want.
I can focus on my own good behavior and focus on the good lessons I teach my kids on how to behave and to be respectful of others. Instead of focusing on someone else's behavior.
I will work on NOT indulging in complaining.
I will NOT focus on the problem. Instead I will focus on the solution.
That's time spent much better. And it will help me stay on my drink plan.
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