Updated: Jan 18
Your brain is saying:
What if I can't quit?
What if I can't stop?
What if I'm not successful?
It's going to be awkward at social events.
What if I'm not any fun or can't have fun if I don't drink?
What if your brain is wrong?
People seem to think that alcohol is in control. We've been taught that if you can't quit or cut back that they must be powerless to booze and I have no control.
Well that's a lie!
If you're going to change the habit you have to look at what's going on beneath the surface.
If you're trying to change your relationship with alcohol you have to look at things with a new lens.
We have to begin with curiosity.
Remember the think, feel, act, results model?... Alcohol is neutral and does nothing.
It is your brain and your thoughts that create desire - desire for alcohol.
Alcohol is just liquid in a glass. It doesn't move on its own into your mouth. You must have a thought first that makes you think it will solve for something in your life...
...A thought that you think that alcohol will make you less bored, funnier, sexier, relaxed. The thing that makes you feel any of those emotions is you and your brain and your thoughts!
You can mark off as many days as you want on the calendar that you don't drink, but that has nothing to do with the thought work you need to do in order to lose your desire for alcohol and lose the thought: that alcohol solves for anything/everything for you.
Your brain is going to try to convince you that you can't do this "no drinking thing". It's going to tell you that you do need alcohol. Those thoughts generate the feeling of fear.
If you're trying to outrun fear as if it's something outside of yourself, it's time to realize fear is within you. It comes from a thought that you've generated.
Can you begin with being curious about fear?
Can you start to see that fear is just an emotion?
Fear cannot harm you. It's an emotion that is not life threatening.
An emotion lasts for a mere 90 seconds. It only seems longer because you keep generating more thoughts that generate more fear.
It's time to examine what happens to you when you decide to say, "no" to a drink? It doesn't have to be anything deep and dark or scary. It can be a simple emotion or feeling of deprivation. It could be a bit of anxiety or a bit of boredom.
It's time to learn how to say no to a drink and realize you can still have fun without it. If you're not creating enjoyment without drinking then you're never going to be able to change the habit.
Joy, fun, and enjoyment don't just happen to us... we have to create it.
We have to create it in our mind, with our thoughts.
We have become a culture where we must be entertained by consuming our entertainment with something outside of ourselves, i.e. watching TV, Netflix, sports (instead of going out and playing sports or a game ourselves), alcohol, over shopping, etc.
We have gotten out of the habit of creating our own pleasure/fun/enjoyment.
You get to decide and create what is fun in your life. Fun is not going to come knock on your front door and say, "I'm here, let's go do this". You have to make your plans for fun activities.
So yes, I'm in the belief that our brain is wrong. It's wrong about alcohol makes you better. It's wrong that you're powerless. It's wrong that saying no to a drink is scary.
Don't get mad at the thoughts your brain is creating. Be curious and start creating thoughts that disprove your animal brain that wants to keep the habit of over drinking going.
We are in control of our emotions. We are thinking creatures. We just need to access the part of our brains that are human (the pre-frontal cortex) and not the animal - instant gratification brain.
We create our fun by making decisions ahead of time and not listening to the part of your brain that is being a bully and telling you you're not in control, so you might as well be powerless and have a drink.
Need help getting changing your habit of thinking drinking is solution?
Join me and all the women who have made a change.
Learn more about the DIY Weekdays Without Wine 8 week program HERE.